Dear Mom! A letter from Cydney to her mom, posted as her first blog entry from jail!

You asked me to write about my life inside these institution walls for my first blog post.  Maybe it was for you too?

So, here’s a day to day.  It so happens I thought of the perfect situation to express what its like with the other people in here with me.  A situation I have been struggling with the past few days, but I didn’t speak to you about it because I was focused on walking the new path we had talked about and that I had shared with you some quoted text, a few days back. It’s helped me figure out who I am.

We all know I’m different. I always have been and I always will be.  I’m me and I love it but it doesn’t mean everyone else loves it.  Especially in here. Things are different inside these walls and behind these bars. To some people being loud and talkative means happy and comfortable. For others it shows a lack of know how and maturity. To many being happy is fake and just a front and to some people, sharing life stories from the past are just lies and manipulation. They don’t believe you and the life you had before addiction.

To someone like me, I change for no one.  I mean no harm and have no bad intention.  What you see is what you get. Happy is happy and talking and sharing stories are welcomed.  I have nothing to hide anymore and I have a lot I want to learn.Stories from others teach me all I need to know about a person from just watching them as they tell their stories from their lives. I can learn a lot by listening and watching.

I can see why these people stay hidden behind false emotions and don’t want to share themselves.  To them I’m an outsider and they too must learn from me before they can let me in. I once thought I was broken like many of these people.  I’m glad to find I’m just bruised.  The pain will fade away because I’m still strong and now unafraid.   

I’ve faced fear and stared straight into his eyes and you know what….I realize I’m not scared at all anymore to succeed.  Yes, I’m fearless! I’m strong! I can do anything! I can change the world each and everyday, one day at a time.

I have also realized I’m not just one person standing alone anymore.  I now know its you and me.  We are 2 and you can be my voice for now!   Together I know I can do this and with your help, I can heal and help others too!

Love Always,

Cydney Mouse

“Avoid the Devil’s Left Hook, from the book “Doing His Time”.

Generous in Love – God, give grace! Huge in mercy – wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt.  Soak out my sins in your laundry.  I know how bad I’ve been; my sins are staring me down.Psalms 51:1 – 3″

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9 thoughts on “Dear Mom! A letter from Cydney to her mom, posted as her first blog entry from jail!

  1. Thank you,Cydney
    For you sharing your thoughts and life with us. Is very helpful.
    My Son Robert is now 26 months into his recovery.
    He not a writer like you are.
    He is a help at Meetings with his speaking and helping to be of support and services.
    He has found his way,like you have found yours.
    I will be following you from now on.
    I’m here if you need anything.
    Love and hugs to you❤
    Joanne Steffin

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    1. Per phone conversation with Cydney on Jan 7th 2016; Thank you Joanne for taking the time to respond to my post. It means a lot to get feedback from people. I feel very isolated at the moment but it’s okay! I know I’m where I need to be. Please tell Robert I love hearing that he is so involved and doing so well with his sobriety. It gives me hope. My mom has told me about your story too and I hope one day we all meet as well.

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  2. Cydney –You are so much like your Mother—Strong and Intelligent—I enjoy your thoughts–and I Pray for you, Your Grandmother would be so proud of your growth also, You’ll make it!–Love you–

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